★★★★★ week 7. thursday. mizuki.

[haw]

[ the weeks have come and gone, the thirteen gods bringing with them many different locations reminiscent of home to the temple during their host weeks... but none of those locales have been nearly as memorable to majima as the simple parlor on the second floor, and not just because it was the very first place he'd visited once the participants had been set loose and he suddenly found himself in desperate need of a stiff drink. funny how things work like that sometimes.

he holds mizuki's hand as he leads them into the room, wrinkling his nose at the smell of roses that hit them almost immediately upon entry. it, unsurprisingly, looks the same as ever, with the exception of that week havoc had been wreaked inside. ]

Ya know, I've been wonderin' how ya managed to fall asleep here before ya started shackin' up with me.

[ as usual, there's a teasing lilt to his voice as he nudges them gently in the ribs. ]

Comments

[digestif]

[ ah. They can sort of put together where this is going. Mizuki nods. ]

... Then your wish is to protect her?

[ they venture a guess, quietly and a little hesitantly. This is very personal territory for him, no doubt; they don't want to say something wrong and make him clam up again. ]

[haw]

[ he nods, and his hand tenses against theirs. ]

To make sure nothin' in this absolute bitch of a world would ever fuck with her again.

[digestif]

[ such a way with words. Their eyes soften in the face of all those harsh words even so, the gentle glow of affection in them a little more apparent than usual. ]

... You really are a good man.

[ he's got things he's willing to do anything for, and he's still putting it all aside just for the sake of someone else - not even a friend or a family member. Just someone innocent. He's better than they are. In a lot of ways, really. They've thought it before, and they think it again. If they were in his position... they're sure that girl would be dead.

But that's exactly why they're falling in love with him. They see something in him that they used to have - that they wish they still did. They've made themself so cold and hard inside, or tried to, at least; they know they're just half-baked in reality. Trying to be distant, but staying just close enough to hurt. The fact that they're holding his hand is proof of that. Mizuki's gaze drops to their entangled fingers, and they run their thumb over his knuckles. ]

Then I hope that wish comes true even more, Goro-kun. [ ... ] ... I'm going to miss you.

[haw]

I honestly considered changin' my wish, especially when it started lookin' like Indulgence-han was shit outta luck...

[ he throws his head back to stare at the ceiling. he's not sure if he can meet their eyes as he laughs and says, ]

I wanted to try an' make somethin' between us work.

[ and then he looks back down, shifting their hands so that he can lace his fingers with theirs, rather than just laying one over the other.

god. they were so, so right when they said he should be too soft to thrust himself into the criminal underbelly of japan. but here he is, gunning to get back in there despite it all. ]

But... I can't give up on Makoto like that, ya know? She's soft. Too damn soft, an' she deserves to have the chance to be for all the shit she's gone through. [ he grips their hand. ] I love you, Mizuki, I really do—but at the end of the day, I know you can take care of yourself. I'm still gonna worry about ya, but... not as much, ya know? No offense.

[ he stops for one final break, before his voice cracks just the smallest bit. ]

But I guess, most importantly... I can't drag either of ya down with me. I know the kind of path I'm headed down so that I can see my bro again. Ya don't deserve to be worryin' about the shadows comin' to steal ya away. If anything happened to her or you because of me... I'd never fuckin' be able to forgive myself.

[digestif]

... I'm glad you didn't. You would have wasted it on me.

[ Makoto deserves the wish a lot more than they do, in their opinion - they've chosen their own fate. Even if helping them was only a tangential result of a wish to keep the two of them together, it would still be better used on her. Mizuki knows it - and it sounds like Majima does, too. They're not offended in the least.

Not by that part, anyway. The rest of what he says, on the other hand? That gives them pause. ]

... Goro-kun. Are you seriously saying that after you admitted I can take care of myself in the same breath? [ they level a stare at him, quite seriously, and wonder if he actually respects them the way he says he does. ] You think that I couldn't handle your "shadows...?" I let myself get pulled into the Otherworld Broadcasts prepared to kill or be killed. I came into this game with the exact same resolve. And if the circumstances had been just slightly different, I would have done it.

[ their voice is cold and clinical as they explain, in a stiff contrast to how they'd been speaking to him moments ago. But it fades as they continue. They know he's doing this because he's kind. He's good. He wants to protect people - he wants to save everyone without sacrificing anyone. He's one of those types, somehow - somehow, despite being who he is. Mizuki sighs. ]

I told you before - I'm not the one who needs protecting. Not the way you're thinking of it. [ a beat. Then, they just look kind of sad. ] ... There's enough keeping us apart already, Goro-kun. Don't go adding more reasons when you don't need to.

[haw]

. . .

[ they come off as cold, but all majima sees, as their steely eyes meet his crestfallen one, is someone who cares so fucking much that they must lock away the most vulnerable parts of themself in order to do what's right. and that pains him so, because he knows all too well what being trapped within yourself feels like, to reject what your heart is telling you despite every other cell in your body fighting like hell to hold onto it.

but they have a point, don't they? he thinks he's been doing all of this in order to improve other people's lives. but to him, in almost every case, that means cutting himself out. how very selfish he must be, then, to try and make those decisions for the people he cares about—the people who care about him—on their behalf, no matter how well he means. up until now, he has failed to see, despite his best intentions, how ass-backwards that idea is.

while his fingers are still tied around theirs, his hold loosens just a little, as he cracks a rueful, self-deprecating smile. ]

Hah. Even after all this, I'm still an idiot. A goddamn, class A, sorry-ass moron.

[digestif]

[ in response, they strengthen their hold on him. If he understands, then that's enough. They meant what they said. When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter whether or not he thinks he "deserves" to keep them; he can't. There's way too much time between them - and maybe space, too, considering what they heard from Connor the other day. Mizuki just doesn't want him to think of them that way. They don't want him to see them as some poor weak damsel he has to look out for - the very thought repulses them.

But the message seems to have gotten through. ]

You are. You're an old-fashioned, thick-headed, one-eyed moron who can't stop making bad decisions, [ they reply - their tone is light, though, and they smirk. ] But I still--

[ ah. They shouldn't say this. Out of all the things they've said that they shouldn't say, this is the one they shouldn't say the most. But it's halfway out now, and it feels cruel to cut it off at the head. Mizuki falters for a moment, then continues, a little subdued. ]

... I still love you, so I'm just going to have to deal with it.

[haw]

[ he's gotten so used to their not-quite-rejections, their constant subject changing, their dancing around the topic because he knows they want their inevitable separation to hurt less so than it already will—that what they say doesn't quite hit him.

but then it does.

and a strangled cry gets lodged in his throat.

luckily, he is able to force it back down, because he's sure an outburst of emotion like that will ruin the mood. sure, it may make them laugh, but he'll be so embarrassed, and they'll tease that they didn't know what else they were expecting, and he'll pout and whine like a puppy, and they'll never let him live it down, and—

...

all they have for sure is the present, and in the present, majima can only really say one thing, ]

. . .

Mizuki?

[digestif]

[ they're not the type to get embarrassed, so they don't - not really. Regret flickers across their face for a brief moment once the words are out of their mouth. That's the final nail in the coffin. They love him. Which is a very stupid thing to do, because it takes one look at him to see he's probably not the sort of guy they should be falling in love with, but, dammit, here they are, with four days left on the clock, telling him they love him.

The look on his face and the half-squawk that gets trapped on the way out of his mouth makes them think it's probably true. Mizuki's cheeks are a little pink, but that reaction gives them some confidence back, and they manage a smile. ]

Goro?

[ don't make them regret this, majima!! ]

[haw]

[ the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks that maybe there isn't anything to say, when they've already taken care of the most important things. why waste the limited time they have trying to find words for things they already know, especially after even mizuki has (lovingly) called him an idiot point-blank?

so, he walks over to the other side of the bar, takes mizuki by the shoulders, and kisses them. the loose grip he has on them slowly turns into him draping his arms over their shoulders, then into a warm, tender embrace.

this... really is love. even a moron like him knows it. ]

[digestif]

[ this time, they're entirely prepared for what he's going to do; they stand on tiptoe meet his kiss halfway, happily, relaxing into his embrace as their arms wrap around his back. Yes, happily - they're happy, if only for this moment. They know this is all going to come tumbling down in a few days, and it's going to hurt like hell when they wake up in Arcadia with no one but Akase for support while they gear up to take on another "god." But that's in a few days. "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" - that's how the saying goes, and they hope dearly that it's true, because losing this is going to be horrible. They've already had to deal with one person they love vanishing from their life; the pain is nothing they're eager to experience again.

Even knowing that, they hold him tightly, and they let themself sink into the warmth of his affection. In a few days. This is now - now they have him and his lame jokes and big heart and strong arms, and they want to savor that. Majima deserved to hear them say it back to him, for all the waiting he's done. And just because it's stupid for them to feel that way doesn't mean it's not true. ]

Hey... I think you're rubbing off on me, [ they murmur with a laugh when the kiss ends and they rest their chin contentedly on his shoulder. ] Somehow, I feel like I've been super cheesy recently. Your cool impression of me is going to be totally ruined.

[haw]

[ they're so warm, so present, so real pressed this close against his lips. his only wish—a transient one, not the one he's planning on ending the game with, of course—is that they could've let their walls down earlier, so that he could've had more time like this with them... but, ah, then all of the things that led the two of them up to now wouldn't have had as much impact, would they?

. . .

time and hindsight are dumb like that, so he probably shouldn't put much stock into them.

he raises a hand to tuck their head closer when they drift from his mouth, nestling them further into the crook of his neck. and, because he'd rather die before he stopped being over the top, he slides his other hand under their legs and hoists them into his arms. he doesn't sweep them off their feet for long; he simply carries them back around the bar to the stool he'd been sitting on just a few moments ago, and sets them upon his lap. ]

I always thought ya could do with a lil' less serious an' a lil' more silly.

[digestif]

[ oh, here he goes again. On one hand, it feels mildly humiliating to be carried around like this - they don't like being put in vulnerable positions - but, on the other hand, it's just Majima. They've already been about as vulnerable as possible in front of him. Mizuki sighs in exasperated amusement as they're picked up once more, and settles against his chest when he takes a seat with them.

... Maybe it's okay to be weak once in a while. As long as they don't get used to it. (Not that they have time to, anyway.) ]

Ha ha. This place is forcing me to be more serious than usual, that's all. If you saw me while I was off the clock, you'd be surprised.